dissappointed.. i farking screwed my CA.. i failed my math.. with the lowest in class.. yes.. a F9.. this only bloody one who had a F9! wat the hell...

when i got my results back i teared..
on that my hopes are dashed
on that effort put in might not neccessary reap
on that why izzit MI?!! damn the whole world!

i was praying so hard when the papers are given back.. i already kno there is one F and 5 Os.. i prayed so hard... tat im not the 6.. i dun mind being the 7th.. last among the Es.. but.. F! a farking F! argh... damn dissappointed at myself...

i kno since pri sch i dun have a thing for math
i had my first ever red mark in p6 prelim.. math with 49 but luckily during psle i was blessed with an A
in sec sch.. i was picked by my math teacher(slyvia tan) cuz im not doing well.. bearly passing.. and too thank god i made it thru Os with a B3
but now.. its a totally diff matter.. i didnt pass any of my test ONCE... i dun have the feeling like i kno anythg at all.. maybe im juz stupid.. my left brain is useless! [which made mi wonder is my right any better?]

im afraid of ppl telling mi "see~! i told you.. you are the cut for JC.. you asked for it" like wats the use now? i can oni work harder..

and trust mi .. i realli did put in effort.. but maybe like kris said.. i have a totalli diff method of learning.. she gave mi a pretty serious pep talk juz now which made mi realised.. i dunno myself tat well.. i can understand everythg tat is taught.. but cuz of my limited memory space i forget right after its said.. so i cant assmue to spend the same amt of time as my fren and expect the same results.. no.. i gotta work longer.. and im not realli "fu" with it.. why in the hell can ppl watch anime and tv and still pass with As.. why in the hell do i have such limited memory capacity?! why cant i rmb anythg?!!!!! i hate it!

when mag is abt to give up on her chem.. i told her "dun give up! all is not lost.. use the marks in p2 to make up for those lost in mcq! i haven gave up.. so dun you! still got hope de!" yes.. like hell there is! highest in class is oni 46.5?!! at most oni 2 will pass... and definitely not mi.. im farked up... econs.. i oni got mcq back.. and this oni 15/30... wateva.. i hate these numbers.. wats the use of having hopes oni to be dashed and hit you right in the head "you are not fit to bear this hope! so shoo! and go sumwhere else!" and to have the principle seeing my parents to decide if i shld carry on in jc.. or kick mi out of sch to pursue poly life.. im utterly dissappointed...

im gonna have a retest on friday.. im studying.. this would most prob be the last strand of hope im holding on to... bless mi