Its been some time since i last posted anything.. come to think of its.. its been close to 2 months.
2 hard and long months. Nothings been great. I think most of this 2 month sucked. Many things happened. FML.

Sometimes i dunno what i want any more. What am i aiming for. At first, i thought i knew. I was all out to sacrify anything. But when the time comes, i find myself holding back. Is it realli anythg? Is it really worht the sacrify? Do i wan to? It doesnt seem the logical thing to do. I think I dun wan to. But how can i enjoy the best of both worlds? Are they realli conflicting? No right? You said they werent. But somehow now.. it does right? to you.

Im sick of guessing. More like tired. Tired of trying to figure out stuff. Tired of explaining myself.

Like i said. This 2 month had been shit. Work is piling up. I quit my part time job. Emerge is nearing. Everythg is rushing. Rush here and there. Trying to squueze out every single drop of brain juice i have. I need a lil more understanding. Concern. Happiness.

I haven been feeling really happy. Not one day since then. I tried having happy-food. They say chocolate makes you happy. No. It only does when you are already happy. It makes you feel happier. But when the dark clouds seems to loom over you. Chocolate only makes you feel more lonely. You have noone but yourself to share. whats the point of eating choc if you are eating it alone?

I always seemed as if i have alot of friends. But come to think of it, how many can i realli share my prob with. I had one. Had? I dunno. Should i continue to share with her? Its seems her suggestions nv helped. I mean i really like sharing with her. And tot she is the only friend that knows and understands. Her words did matter. At least to me. But not to others. Since they didnt view her realli as a good friend. Or one that could give constructive suggestions. They tot her suggestions were biased. Maybe they are. Or maybe the listeners themselves are too baised. Biased against her.

Im a simple grl as i recognise myself to be. If i were a plant, I would probably be the easiest kind to take care of. I dun need a lot of attention. I dun need you there 24-7. I dun buy unnecessarily. I take care of myself. I take console in what i have. I dun ask for more cuz i know being contented with what i have is also a form of happiness. Content. The word i came to live with. but the irony, being there, you nv know what you are missing out. It also impedes progress. So what now?

One problem after another. It juz doesnt stops does it? How do i handle all this? Im already up to my brink. I dun need another problem. So 2 choices. Solve it now. Dun care. Option 2 is tempting but nope. Im rational. I think. Therefore trust me. Its juz another extra hurdle. Ive passed so many. Its juz another. Although, without it life would be so much easier. But since its here, i juz get to get over it.

Random thoughts in life. Feeling emo for no apparent reasons. Maybe cuz of what is said. I start to think alot. I dun even know what it is. I juz know that the nxt wave is coming. I have to prepare myself. Protect myself. The beach im at.. has too much waves now. I need to calm down.
I think if i ever look back at this entry, i wouldnt know what im talking abt. The past is nothing but fragments of memories. I dun need bad memories.

I wanted to make this post private. i dunno how. so forget it.
if you are readin.. good for you.. you juz gt to kno mi better.
if you are not. I dun wanna explain too. Its juz a random post. One that i use to sort out my thoughts and feelings. I dun need to share with anybody.